The Crack Head Lives To Smoke Another Day.......

Some days you just don't want to exist......

Today is one one those days. Although I didn't have a choice, since my bbgirl has Basketball practice and my son is going in early for math tutoring. My 38th birthday is looming over my head and I'm not feelin it. My back is constantly killing me. The surgery Just gave me different and more pain. My tax return is 1/2 of what I'd normally get because I can't work. I'm turning 38 and i feel 28. So, I just feel sucky today.

My ex husband went to my girls bball game last Thursday and the kids said he was sick. he was having trouble catching his breath and his back hurt, then he pucked. The kids can home concerned. My 1st thought was Blood Clots. Hes had them before. So, he called me the next day and I didn't answer. The message he left was breathy and he sounded like shit. So I finally called him back that nite. He said he thought he threw his back out and that's why he couldn't breathe. He said he was just going to take some zanax and sleep it off.

Now, I should have said "OK, talk to you later",  I knew if he went to sleep, he'd probably never wake up. I wanted to say nothing. After all the BS he put me threw, I should just let him die. He's too stupid to see the signs of the blood clots, then he gets want he deserves. But that fucking conscience of mine wouldn't allow it.

I called him back Friday evening and I told him that he probable had blood clots. He got off the phone with me quickly and 4 hrs later, I got a text that he was in the hospital, had blood clots in his lungs and 2 in his leg.

Why couldn't I just keep my mouth shut. I don't own him that courtesy. I didn't know if i could live with myself. I'm a good person, he's not a good person. But who am I to play god. I still don't know if I did the right thing.

That's how life is. You make choices and hope they're the right ones because you have to live with those choices. I have made bad choices at times. Where are the angels that are supposed to be on my shoulder. WTF Are they sleeping, off on holiday. Did they ditch me??? Where are they when I need them.

So, The crack head lives to smoke another day. What he will do with it??? Who cares, but I can look in the mirror guilt free.